UFOH!
Have you seen E.T. lately? Look
at those arms! And he wants to just
“phone home”. How can he get there? If he tries picking up a phone or pedaling
that bike with his scrawny arms and short legs, it can’t be done! All he needs is a little bit of muscle to
help him perform this task, and he can get back home. The product, catered to all aliens, will
enhance muscle growth and height, similar to rBGH (recombinant bovine growth
hormone) and injectable human growth hormone Norditropin (somatropin) as well
as a protein powder used after workouts to enhance muscle mass, muscle
strength, and workout gain. However,
human growth hormone will probably be used, since an alien’s anatomy and
structure most closely resemble a human’s.
Product Details:
The product will be called “UFOH”!
It will specifically target the patient’s musculoskeletal system and
will enhance muscle mass, strength and height.
Its active ingredients will be a mixture of creatine (for increased
muscle mass and strength), Norditropin (liquefied somatropin, or liquefied
human growth hormone for increased height), a natural anabolic steroid
(ecdysterone) and ginseng root (for increased energy). It will be able to be administered in at
least two ways: via injection (either
intravenously or subcutaneously, as a liquid) or orally (via a capsule, to be
swallowed). Its inactive ingredient will
be alien blood so that it will be unfit for human consumption (a large enough
concentration to be toxic, but small enough for it not to be lethal)
Biopsychosocial Basis:
The musculoskeletal system enables us to function by keeping our heart
beating and doing simple tasks and motions.
If weakened, it presents a threat to an organism (in this case,
alien). If E.T. can’t pick up a phone or
pedal a bike, he can’t possibly get back to his home planet. Therefore, this product, analogous to a
protein powder for human use, will maximize muscle mass and strength for the
extra-terrestrials that need it the most.
What is this product used for? Enhancing muscle growth in
extra-terrestrials.
Who is this product used for? Aliens/extra-terrestrials.
How much does it cost?
A 100 ml bottle of the product in its injectable form will cost
$39.95. That’s about 75 doses. A bottle of 60 tablets (to be used once per
day) of the product will cost $25.00.
What is in the product?
For the injectable form, active ingredients are creatine (5%), somatropin
(7.5%), ecdysterone (1%), ginseng (1.5%), along with alien blood as the inert
liquid filler (84.5%). For the capsule
form, the active ingredients are of the same concentration as above. However, the active ingredients form a powder
which is kept inside a cellulose capsule for ease of absorption.
Disclaimers: Keep
out of reach of children.
Drug/medication interactions: The somatropin will be directly absorbed into
the bloodstream, where it will start its process of stimulating cell
growth.
Possible effects:
Side effects may include aggression and insomnia due to increased
strength and energy.
References:
http://www.jissn.com/content/3/2/19
(Effects of Methoxyisoflavone, Ecdysterone, and Sulfo-Polysaccharide
Supplementation on Training Adaptations in Resistance-Trained Males)
